Winter Break

Confusion

Been so long since I wrote anything here, maybe this is a good place to vent my feelings, not a lot of people will see this anyways.

So many things to be said, so many things better left unsaid.  But I can't keep them all bottled up inside.  It all happened so suddenly and randomly, funny how fate can act sometimes.   Tt has been nine months since I've met her, the best 9 months of my life.  We would talk for hours, sometimes from dusk until dawn, spend so much time together, play games together.  MSN Messenger history gets to be so large I have to archive and save it to my computer.  Those files are totaling about 100 mB now, text files.  Do I love her?  I know I do, and she has confessed she does as well.  Although circumstances keep us apart, she is always in my heart, and I know she feels the same as well. 

School restarts and it seems all of this is starting to change, I dunno.  We got into a couple of fights, she almost broke my heart one or two times but always come back and work out in the end.  But I dont know how much damage my heart can take .  I miss the days we talked and chatted for 12-13 hours.  I miss staying up all night playing with you just to reach that extra next level.  I miss all the time we've spent together.  Time is just something we both can't spare now .  More seriously, I met someone.  Although it's been only been about a month, there is mutual attraction from the beginning.  I am so lost and confused right now, unsure about my feelings .  I just hope everything works out in the end.  For now, I'll take life one day at a time.   Peace

I've been pretty disapointed at myself lately.  I've been slacking off too much.  My school performence is good to some people's standards but absolutely horrendous to my family's.  They expect much from me, almost perfection.  Wouldn't you expect the same if you hand one and only son, grandson, and nephew?  And lately, I haven't been giving them the satisfaction they deserve.  The pressure is immense.  Sometimes, I feel like I want to die just to get away from it all.  But I'm keeping cool. 

My new year's resolution starts next monday: School and fitness, nothing else.  No more movies, games, and no internet.  In other words, no more slacking off.  B's in AP?  Not good enough.  Not anymore.  50 push-ups?  Ain't gonna cut it.  A mile in 7 mins?  Not even close to good.  My goal is West Point (don't laugh).  And I realize I'm running out of time to prepare myself for admissions.  I mean, I can hardly do 5 "perfect" pull-ups.  I guess I still have some time between now and when I become US Citizen.  This could very well be my last xanga entry for a long time.